Grumpy Young Mummy

I will soon celebrate my 12th birthday.............as a mother. And being only 12, I must say I am still a young mother. So I must forgive myself if I still lack patience, maturity and wisdom. If I don't learn to forgive myself, who would? My children? Of course not. They probably think I am a monster, disguise as a mom. My husband? Not! He thinks being a mom is the most natural thing for a woman. Says who? I was only born nearly 12 years ago. my dear. Motherhood is SO not easy. If it was, FATHERS would gladly take over the job.

When I was a working mom, I think my children loved and appreciated me more. I think now that I am always home, their love and appreciation for me have lessen. They don't say it, of course but you can see it in their eyes and actions.

When I was working and taking time off during weekdays (thanks to the nature of my job which allowed me to do so), Nina and Amir loved it. They loved coming home from school and see my car parked in the porch.
"Mummy tak keje ke?" they would asked in unison. And when I nodded, they would acted so manja and Nina would said, "Can you drive us to sekolah agama?" And Amir would added, "And fetch us back too?" And I would smilingly agreed.
(Okay maybe the above "flashback" is an exaggeration but I did occasionally smile!)

I usually don't tell them when I was on my off days from work because if I did, they would asked me to send them to and fetch them from school, which I always declined because Pakcik Ariffin, the bus driver, HAS BEEN PAID to do that bit. But sometimes I relented and would fetched them instead.

Even if it was on the days of my late shift duty (2pm or 5pm), I would make it a point to send them to agama school just because I loved being with them, even if just for 30 mins or so.

If I was working on the weekends, they would called me many times just to ask what time am I coming home. Their dad called many times too and we all know why lah kan? Remember, if being a mother is EASY PEASY, all dads would willingly do it.

Flash forward to present times. If there was a Mothers' Anonymous meetings, I would gladly sign up! Help sober me up ladies! I am too intoxicated by my 24/7 motherhood chores/responsibilities. Seriously.

I personally believe some women have it. It here means being a full time mother. I am definitely not one of them. I get pissed too easily. I am impatient. I am reckless too (with my choice of words.) I am NOT FIT to become a SAHM. Really.

The other night, Nina asked me : "What is a natural satellite?" Bad mummy responded (while mopping the kitchen floor), agitated no less, : "As opposed to what? A not natural satellite??" Nina shrugged off. Mummy, still annoyed continued :"If you can google your songs on you tube, u surely can google natural satellite! When I was in school, I did not study satellites. Even if I had, I would not have bothered nenek to find out what it is. I would go to the library because BACK then we did not have the Internet ...." and I went on and on and on without realising Nina had left the kitchen! Probably with a smirk on her face!

Amir gets it from me almost on a daily basis. And I pity him. Really I do. Last night, he asked me what's the meaning of lighthearted. I said :"Ever heard of a dictionary? Look it up. I want to be like nenek (my mom). She did not help me with difficult English words."

All the the cooking, the cleaning, the washing, the dusting, the bed-making, the laundry, the laundry folding, the vacumming, the teaching, and the wifely duties are really stressing me out. Masa kerja dulu-dulu, at least I have an excuse to skip some of these but now, what is my excuse? Well, I do make excuses (like I need to read the online news NOW, or I have to watch my fav tv shows NOW), but deep in my heart, I find these excuses lame.


So, should I be worried if my children now love me less? Not really cos truth be told, I don't really fancy myself now.

Now, let me get to folding the two baskets of laundry, while not enjoying the view outside my house which has been blanketed by a shroud of dusts. Dust storm, two days in a row already! STRESS nya ...................


And if one day my children read this entry, please remember :

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck